


New Beginnings

by AGJ1990



Series: Evelyn Winchester [28]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst to the max, Dean's an amazing big brother, John feels like a bad father, Sam WInchester's an amazing big brother, birth of Winchester baby girl, but full of hope too, but he really isn't (at least in here)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-03 19:15:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14002788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGJ1990/pseuds/AGJ1990
Summary: Evelyn Abigail Wincehster comes into the world.





	New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> The characters of Supernatural do not belong to me. The original character of Evelyn WInchester does.

Fourteen-year-old Dean was pissed.

            There was no other word for it. His father had brought Missy home with him from a hunt just under a year ago, and now they were in the hospital having another baby. Dean felt they’d all moved way, way too fast. He felt Missy had been trying to replace his mom, despite his father and Missy assuring him several times over the last year that it wasn’t the case. Though he’d never told either of them this, he felt that she was trying to take Sammy away from him too. After Missy had gotten pregnant, she’d stopped hunting, and Sam had stayed behind with her. Even though Sam didn’t travel with him and his Dad anymore, Dean felt Sam was still his responsibility, and he didn’t want to help raise another of his Dad’s kids. Dean just didn’t think he could possibly love this new kid as much as he did Sammy. But Missy did make his Dad happy for the first time that Dean could really remember, so he decided not to say anything for the time being.

            Sam was the exact opposite of Dean. He sat next to Dean, his knee vibrating up and down quickly, anxiously waiting to see the baby. Sam had been there the entire time, helping Missy get ready for the baby to be here. Sam had named the baby, found out she was a girl before Dean or John, and said good night to the baby every night. When Missy had gone into labor a few hours earlier, John had tried to get Sam to stay home with Dean, but Sam wouldn’t hear of it. So he had dragged Dean along too. Now they were just waiting, and Dean was not only bored, he was irritated too.

“Sammy, would you stop that, PLEASE?” Dean snapped.

“Stop what?” Sam asked.

“Bouncing your knee. It’s annoying.” Dean said.

“Sorry. I’m just excited.” Sam said.

“Why?” Dean asked. “The baby’s a girl.”

“Yeah?” Sam said. “Girls can do just as much as boys.” “No, they can’t.” Dean said. “Girls are whiny and clingy and annoying.”

Sam just smiled. “This baby will be different. You’ll see. You’ll love her when you meet her.”

            Dean didn’t say anything else. Sam was too excited to argue, and that made it no fun for Dean to pick on him. Sam asked Dean if he had any money; he wanted to go to the gift shop and get a flower for Evy and Missy. Dean gave Sam what he had, hoping it was enough. Sam came back with two roses, one big and one little. He sat back down next to Dean, and a few minutes later, they saw John walking down the hall towards them. Sam looked excited, but Dean knew right away something was wrong.

“Dad!” Sam yelled, running down and meeting John halfway.

When Sam met John, John scooped him up and held him tight to his chest, something he hadn’t done since Sam was a baby. Dean walked over to his dad, feeling instant regret for the way he’d been stewing in his own resentment earlier. It had been ten years, but he’d only seen the look on his father’s face once before. _Please, please, not again,_ Dean thought.

“Dad?” Dean asked. “Dad, what’s wrong?”

“Come with me, boys.” John said, walking back towards the chairs, still holding Sam in his arms.

            John sat down, putting Sam in his lap, Dean sitting to his left. Sam still had the roses in his hands, and he was starting to pick up on his father’s mood too. Sam and Dean waited, neither of them really wanting to know what John was about to tell them.

“Boys, I have something to tell you.” John said. His voice was shaky, not at all full of the confidence Sam and Dean were used to hearing.

“Dad? Is the baby okay?” Sam asked.

“The baby’s just fine, Sammy. She’s beautiful.” John said.

“Then what is it?” Sam asked. “Is Missy okay?”

A tear slipped down John’s cheek, and he looked away from them for a few seconds, before he told Sam, “Missy died, Sammy.” “What?” Sam asked. “Why? How?”

John swallowed. “Having a baby’s a hard thing, Sammy.” John explained, pushing Sam’s hair out of his face. “Missy was sick, and we didn’t know it. Having the baby put too much strain on her body. She just couldn’t handle it. Does that make sense?”

Sam knew Dean hated it when he said this, but he didn’t care now. “She’s the only mom I ever had.” “I know, Sammy.” John said. “I know, buddy.”

            Sam’s tears were almost harder for John to take than the news that Missy had died. He had had this conversation with Dean once before, and he’d prayed he would never have to have it with Sammy. Sam leaned into his dad’s chest and sobbed. John expected Dean to get upset with what Sam had said, but Dean just rubbed Sam’s back as they sat there. He felt sorry for his little brother. He at least had a few fleeting memories of Mary to hold onto, but Sam had none. He only had the memories of Missy’s love and kindness towards him, and now that was gone too. When Sam finally began to calm down, he sat up and sniffed hard.

“Where’s the baby now?”

“She’s in the nursery.” John said. “The nurses are taking care of her.”

“When can I go see her?” Sam asked.

John took a deep breath. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Sam.”

“Why not?” Sam asked.

“Sam…” John choked.

The truth was that he was considering leaving the baby behind at the hospital. The arrangement he’d had with Missy prior to the baby’s birth, her staying behind at their house with Sam and the baby, hadn’t been ideal, but it at least guaranteed to him that the baby and Sam would be safe and happy. He would continue to hunt, sending her money as often as he could, and coming back to visit whenever he had the chance. But with her gone, all that was out the door. He knew Sam wanted him to stop hunting, but he couldn’t. Whatever had killed Mary was still out there. Their lives were hard enough for the three of them; it was no life for a newborn. Sam had been a baby when they’d started hunting, but John hadn’t had a choice back then. He didn’t know if he could take care of another baby on the road. But Sam had been helping take care of this baby even more than he had. He was attached to her, and not even allowing Sam to see her was cruel.

“Dad?” Sam asked. “Why can’t I see her?” “Never mind, Sam.” John said. “I’ll take you to see her, buddy.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Need some help?”

            A new but familiar voice was coming down the hall towards them. John looked up and saw Bobby, who he’d only called two hours earlier. It was a three-hour drive from Bobby’s house to the hospital, but John didn’t question him. He carefully placed Sam on the floor in front of him and stood up to embrace Bobby.

“I’m sorry, John.” Bobby said simply.

            Sam waited patiently while John talked to Bobby, explaining what had happened with Missy. John, Dean, and Sam were all devastated, but none of them wanted to say it. They’d hoped that a normal life was finally within their grasp, only for it to be snatched away. Finally, John led the boys down the hall, towards Missy’s room. They walked inside, and Sam went straight to the head of the bed. Dean stood on the other side of the bed, by himself, and John stood right behind Sam.

“Dad?” Sam asked, looking up towards John’s face. “Can she hear us? Can we talk to her?”

“Sure, Sammy. You can talk to her.” John said.

Sam turned back to Missy and put one the big rose on the bed next to her. “I’m sorry you couldn’t stay with us. You would have been a really good mommy. I promise I’ll take care of Evy. I’ll tell her all about you. I’ll keep her safe and make sure she knows how much you loved her. Love you, Mom.”

            Sam leaned over and kissed Missy’s cheek. He took and squeezed her hand, tears falling down his cheek again. He hugged his father one more time, then walked over to Bobby, who picked up the heartbroken little boy and held him while John said his goodbyes.

“I thought my heart was gone before I met you. I thought I couldn’t fall for anybody again. You proved this stubborn old Marine wrong. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from this. Sleep tight, love. You earned it.”

            John kissed his middle and index finger, touched it to Missy’s forehead, and stood looking at her for a long moment. He felt useless. He had the ability to protect anyone from anything supernatural, but he had no power to bring her back from this. Now their little girl was without a mother, just like Dean and Sam. But John had the ability to at least do something good for his daughter, even if it was too late to do it for Dean and Sam. He could give her a mother and a father. He could give her a normal life. It shredded his heart to give her up, but he didn’t see a choice. John squeezed Missy’s hand. He looked over and noticed that Dean hadn’t moved.

“Dean? Do you want to say anything, son?”

“Can I have a minute alone with her, Dad?” Dean asked.

John wanted to say no, but didn’t want to deny Dean the chance to say something. Dean was an intensely private person, one that didn’t easily share his feelings. He realized Dean probably felt uncomfortable talking to Missy in front of all of them. John nodded, and waved to Bobby, who took Sam out in the hallway.

“Page me if you want me to come back.” John said simply. “Come to the nursery whenever you’re ready.”

Dean nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“And Dean? I know you’re not happy about having another little sibling to look after.” John said.

Dean looked down and away from his dad, ashamed to admit he was right.

“Dean? It’s okay, buddy. It’s not wrong for you to feel that way. You’ve always taken good care of Sam, and I know I ask way, way too much of you. But it won’t be as much on you anymore.” John said. “Sam’s old enough to help now, and I’ll do everything I can to be home more. Okay?”

“Okay, Dad. Thanks.”

John, satisfied Dean got the message, turned to leave. Dean had been strong so far, but when the door shut behind John, he felt two tears slip down his cheek. His breathing became more ragged, and he moved closer to Missy. He picked up her hand and put it to his cheek, the way she’d always done when he was upset. Dean felt eaten up with guilt, sadness, and fear all at once. He got a shock when he realized how cold Missy’s hand was. It was only then that he realized that Missy was gone for good.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t very nice to you.” Dean said slowly. “I know now you were just trying to be friends with me. I’m sorry I didn’t really give you a chance. I just…I just miss my mom so much sometimes that it made me scared to see you with Dad. I didn’t have anything to be afraid of. I see that now. I’m sorry.” Dean took a deep breath and said something that he’d never said to Missy before. “I love you.”

            While Dean was talking with Missy, Bobby and John stood outside the nursery, watching through the window as Sam sat in a rocking chair with the new baby. They hadn’t said anything yet, just stood staring at the new life in front of them. Bobby had a smile on his face, but John was struggling to keep himself upright.

“You alright, John?”

John sighed. “No.”

“What are you thinking?” Bobby asked. “What are you gonna name her?”

“I don’t know that I will.”

Bobby turned to John with fire in his eyes. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Bobby, I can’t take a newborn on the road with me.” “So, what? You’re just gonna leave your newborn baby here at the hospital?” Bobby asked.

“What else should I do?” John asked.

“You stupid idgit!” Bobby said. “That kid ain’t even six hours old and you’re already talking about dumping her.” “I’m not ‘talking about dumping her’. I’m talking about giving her a chance at a mom and a dad.” John explained. Bobby shoved John against the wall hard. “You listen to me. You abandon that kid and I’ll blast you so full of salt you crap margaritas. You got me?”

“I got it.” John said. “I got it, Bobby.”

“Have you held her yet?” Bobby asked.

“No.”

“You go in there, right now, and pick up your daughter. Hold her, talk to her. Tell her everything’s going to be okay. Tell her you love her. Do you love her?” Bobby asked.

John sighed, looked back in where Sam was holding the baby, and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know.” “Well your son does. So you go in there, pick her up, and tell her you love her, even if you don’t feel it yet. Because you will.” Bobby said.

John nodded. “Thanks, Bobby.”

“Yeah, yeah. Get your butt in there.”             John left and walked into the nursery. The baby was fussing, but Sam held her tight to him and smiled. He rocked the chair back and forth, and the baby seemed to respond quite well to him. John watched them a few moments before walking up to them. Sam was already in love with her. He sang to her and cuddled her like he’d been doing it forever. _He has been doing it forever. At least since he found out about her._ He realized it shouldn’t be any surprise that she recognized Sam’s voice before his. John turned to leave to go back to the hallway when Sam spoke.

“You want to hold her, Dad?”

John looked over and saw Sam holding the baby out towards him. He was beaming. He looked as proud as John wished he felt right then. He wanted to say no, but he couldn’t explain it to Sam if he did. So he walked over and very carefully took the baby from Sam. Being transferred from Sam to someone else made her start crying. Sam stood up to let John have the rocking chair. When John sat down, Sam leaned over and kissed her forehead, then asked,

“Dad, can she keep her name?”

“What do you mean?” John asked.

“The name me and Missy gave her.”

“Remind me what it was.” John said.

“Evelyn.” Sam said. “Evelyn Abigail.”

“Sure, Sam.” John answered. With everything else he had to do, one less decision he had to make was welcome. “Sounds good.”

Sam looked down at Evelyn one more time. “Isn’t she beautiful, Dad?”

            John finally took his first long look at his daughter. She had a head full of fine blond hair, and was looking at him with the biggest brown eyes he’d ever seen. She still whimpered, but she calmed down when John had her in his arms. John sat back and stared at her, took one of her hands in his, and answered Sam’s question.

“Yeah, buddy. She sure is.” John said. He looked up and asked, “Sam, will you step out with Bobby for a minute? Let me talk to her alone?” “Sure, Dad.” Sam said. He kissed Evelyn’s cheek and said, “Bye, Evy. I’ll be back, baby. Love you.”

            Sam turned and left, and John turned his attention back to Evelyn, who kept her eyes on him. Suddenly, John felt his heart start to melt, little by little. He remembered the feeling of holding Dean and Sam like this. This time was different, though. Mary had been there the first two times, and this time it was just him. He had no idea how he would even begin to take care of a little girl. He was terrified, something he would never even begin to admit to anyone else. The irony was not lost on him-after battling countless ugly things that went bump in the night, this tiny, wriggling, squirming, fussing five-pound eleven ounce baby in his arms could terrify him so much. John put a hand to her cheek.

“Hello, little one. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Evy immediately stopped fussing and looked in John’s direction.

“I, um, I’m sorry I didn’t come see you before now. Daddy was a little upset, but I’m better now.”

Evy started to whimper a little.

“Shhhh. None of that, okay? I know it’s been a long day, but you’ll be okay. I know you miss mo…”

John swallowed hard against the lump forming in his throat. Missy being gone still had not hit him. John started to rock the chair back and forth gently, and she settled down again. John felt himself start to smile ever so slightly.

“You’re so beautiful, little one.” John said. When he felt he could, he continued talking to her. “Like I was saying, I know you’re going to miss your mommy. I will too. But we’ll do our best to take care of you. Me and Sammy and Dean. All of us love you…”

“Dad?”

John looked up to see Dean walking towards them.

“Can I see her?”

“Sure, buddy.” John said. “You want to hold her?”

Dean nodded.

John stood up and placed Evy in Dean’s arms. Dean, who had been tense and moody all afternoon, seemed to melt in front of Evy. When they’d sat back down in the rocking chair, John introduced them for the first time and turned to leave the room.

“Welcome to the world, little one.”

Once John was out of the room, Dean looked at her and smiled. “You know, you’re kind of cute.”

Evy gurgled, and Dean imagined she was saying _I know, doofus._

“I’m gonna admit it. I wasn’t real excited about meeting you. I didn’t want a little girl following me around everywhere. But I’m glad you’re here, kiddo. I’ll take care of you. And I promise, as long as I’m around, nothing bad’ll happen to you.”

            Evy spent two more days in the hospital. Bobby was called away on a hunt, leaving John alone with two very overprotective big brothers and a newborn. The doctors, concerned about her low birth weight, ran her through more tests than John could count. On the end of the second day, John headed out towards pastor Jim’s house, who insisted on them staying at least until the baby was a month old. Sam seemed to be the one who was the most comfortable with her, never hesitating to pick her up and comfort her when she started to cry. It was in those first weeks at Jim’s house that the basis of Evy’s world was formed. Every night before she went to sleep, she heard the same thing.

“Good night, baby. Sammy loves you.”


End file.
